I can hear the voice beckoning me forward.
By all Heavenly accounts, I have nothing to fear. Have I forgotten the miracles Jesus has performed in front of my eyes? Do I believe the testimony of wonders shared throughout scripture?
By all Earthly accounts, I have everything to fear. Voices of “reason” echo in my head. Don’t I know where I should be securing my feet?
My husband was laid off in March. Our severance package ended. And we held onto expectations for the way we would be rescued from our boat in the midst of this abyss.
But currently, we wait.
I glance down at the “water” that surrounds me. Wide and cloudy. No clear path is yet visible.
But Jesus stretches out his hand and keeps calling.
Does Jesus not realize what he is asking? How on Earth can it happen?
“Don’t be afraid. Take courage, I am here.”
I cry out, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
Jesus replies, “Yes, come.”
So I step out of the safe confines of my “boat.” I dip a toe in. Fear holds me back from putting my whole weight on one foot.
The implications are not lost on me. I know people who have stepped into this place that is unknown; unpredictable. Didn’t some of them sink? But this moment isn’t about them. It’s about me. There are plenty of human based reasons to refuse to walk toward Jesus’ voice.
But what will I lose if I don’t?
Ironically, I cannot walk forward if I remain balancing on one leg. So, slowly, I move the other foot in front. I can’t believe it! I am walking toward Jesus!
And then the winds begin picking up speed. Keeping my balance and my eyes focused on Jesus’ outstretched arm becomes difficult.
Another job prospect fell through. Our car broke down.
I didn’t expect this challenge. If Jesus is inviting me to come, why am I being knocked around as I make my way toward his reach? What if I plunge downward?
Save me Lord!
Jesus grabs my attention. A week long contract appears out of the blue. A side job appears. Our every need is provided.
Jesus calls out to me, “You have so little faith. Why did you doubt me?”
Truthfully? Because I’m human. Like Peter, who laid out the path ahead of me, I lean toward what my mind can grasp. It cannot comprehend the divinity which intersects in our Earthly moments.
Of course, I have witnessed wonders earlier in my life which can only be attributed to the works of a mighty God. Many times I have felt Jesus speaking to my heart and providing clarity. And, like Peter, I am no stranger to the accounts of miraculous activity in the lives of others. Scripture gives no shortage of those interactions. Both of us share the witnessing (he-personally; me-through scripture) of Jesus feeding a multitude with a few loaves and fishes. And what about that storm that abruptly halted upon Jesus’ command?
Still, fear lingers.
But I walk forward in faith. Because I simply can’t refuse to remain stuck in a false pretense of security. My current place of refuge may appear secure because it’s where I have found comfort. But ultimately, it only brought security because Jesus led me to it at one point.
Now, I’m being led to trust him once again. He has never let me down.
Peter, surely found security in following Jesus otherwise he would have abandoned him.
Jesus did not promise safety and predictability then and doesn’t now. But he does promise living abundantly.
So I walk to embrace it; legs wobbly but headed in a straight line toward him. And should the winds threaten to throw my balance off, I know that Jesus will grab me. Again.