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Why I Grieved When My Son's Friend Moved Away

April 29, 2016 by Stephanie Leave a Comment

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As my son settled himself into the car seat next to me, his face told me what I had hoped wasn’t a reality.
His friend had moved away. Without notice.

My heart sank.

For him. For Matt. And for me.

You see, my youngest, is in middle school. It’s a season of so many changes: adjusting to six teachers from one, expectations from school that you are now a “big” kid and must take on more responsibilities. Yet, for many, their bodies look no different than they did when they were considered “little kids” two years ago. Furthermore, social circles are in flux. Figuring out who is really by your side becomes a challenge.
My son is described by many to be kind, funny, smart. He is respectful to all but chooses friends carefully. He’s not a group friend kind of guy. He prefers a few close buddies with whom he can trust his innermost thoughts and feel comfortable being his “out of the box” self. So when he shared with me, on that day before Spring Break, that he thought it odd that Matt wasn’t at school and had turned in his science book the day before, we both faced the reality that Matt was moving. And thoughts began trickling into each of our brains and sadness crept into our hearts.
I didn’t know Matt as well as my son did, but what I did know I liked. He shared a child-like innocence in a world where kids are pressured to grow up too fast. Although they didn’t spend much time together outside school, they were part of the rhythm of each other’s day.
It’s what makes getting through those mundane moments tolerable. It’s what gives you reason to go to school or work when you wake up tired and don’t really want to forge through the day.
I grieve not only for my son, but for Matt as well. I know that this move is not the first one. He met my son when he moved here five years ago. His life involves frequent adjustment-new home, new friends, visits between his custodial parent and non-custodial parent.
I grieve because I had hoped to invite he and his mom further into our lives. And it didn’t happen soon enough.
What will happen to him now? Will he befriend kids who will challenge him to be his best self?
The experience echoes similar situations our family has experienced along the way. Several other kids who have graced our lives for a bit and then moved on. I’m not gonna lie-often these are the same kids who can push my (and my kids) buttons. My own kids do that sometimes. But often times, the brokenness in these kids that draws me to them can manifest in ways that can make relationships hard: acting out, lack of social boundaries, different value systems. Yet, somehow in the midst of those tensions, there is a yearning to let God’s deep love seep out of me. They must be reminded of their have value and purpose. Always.
Fortunately, some of those kids have crossed our paths again. Technology, can be a gift in that way. But others, have gone off the radar. I can only hope in the one who knows them far more than I.
“See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands;
    your walls are continually before me.” Isaiah 49:16
I know that my prayers for God’s intervention in their lives are not left unheard.
And that is what we do now. Knowing that my long distance desires for Matt’s well-being are heard by our God who is near him. Believing that there are others who will now walk alongside him.
But it doesn’t make me or my son miss him less.
My son has texted a couple times with Matt and of, course, my heart’s desire is that it continues. But, that’s not a given. For now, we relish the moments we had to walk life together with him and hand him over to the One who even knows the number of hairs on his head. But his name will never leave my head….or my heart.
 

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Filed Under: Sacred Connections Tagged With: acceptance, Church, Creator, followers, foster, friends, identity, kids, love, middle school, move, son, value

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When my first child was born 20 plus years ago, I envisioned taking just a few years off from my role as Pastor of Youth and Family. While that didn’t exactly unfold as expected, God used my gifts and skills in other ways. Read More…

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"This moment for Jesus is a far cry from the one o "This moment for Jesus is a far cry from the one on the mountain. There, he stood with his two closest friends- Peter and John. There, God’s presence was affirmed in the bright cloud which appeared overhead. There, God’s voice proclaimed publicly, ““This is my Son, the Beloved; with him I am well pleased; listen to him!”

Now, God’s presence does not appear in such a tangible form. God’s voice is silent. No public affirmation of his identity. No reminder that he is God’s beloved." Read the rest: www.stephaniejthompson.com

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“Then Jesus went with them to a place called Get “Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and agitated. Then he said to them, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and stay awake with me.” And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.” Mark 14:36-39.

He arrived at this moment baring his vulnerability. The implications of his possible next steps weighed heavily upon him. All of his being: mind, body, spirit. Divine yet human. Sitting in emotions does not equal sin. Crying out to his father demonstrated trust even in this dark moment. It witnesses to the intimacy of their relationship. God can hold us in all spaces and places.

The question Jesus asks sits with us because we have all been there. As Tish Harrison Warren writes in Prayer of the Night, “We don’t get to choose our preferred crosses or resurrections.” Embracing life in the Kingdom Jesus ushered in transforms us. Like Jesus promised, it is an abundant life. But not without it’s sorrows. Because the identity of being Theotokoi (God Bearers) means laying down our lives as daily rhythms.

 So we demonstrate, by transparently living our moments, the tension of living in this place of in between. But sometimes, the reality of the tension overwhelms our senses. We cry out in our anguished humanity for the cup to pass from our hands in the midst of fear, and uncertainty about the path forward.: Illness, loss, advocating for the marginalized, death.

But we can also cling to the hope in God who hears us, holds us, and sees the redemption at work in ways we cannot. All while entering into our moments of despair with a love that knows no bounds of time, space, expectation. Jesus took the cup. And we can because he did.

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s2thomp

Instagram post 17913282691674085 Instagram post 17913282691674085
"This moment for Jesus is a far cry from the one o "This moment for Jesus is a far cry from the one on the mountain. There, he stood with his two closest friends- Peter and John. There, God’s presence was affirmed in the bright cloud which appeared overhead. There, God’s voice proclaimed publicly, ““This is my Son, the Beloved; with him I am well pleased; listen to him!”

Now, God’s presence does not appear in such a tangible form. God’s voice is silent. No public affirmation of his identity. No reminder that he is God’s beloved." Read the rest: www.stephaniejthompson.com

#goodfriday #stephaniejthompson
“Then Jesus went with them to a place called Get “Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and agitated. Then he said to them, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and stay awake with me.” And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.” Mark 14:36-39.

He arrived at this moment baring his vulnerability. The implications of his possible next steps weighed heavily upon him. All of his being: mind, body, spirit. Divine yet human. Sitting in emotions does not equal sin. Crying out to his father demonstrated trust even in this dark moment. It witnesses to the intimacy of their relationship. God can hold us in all spaces and places.

The question Jesus asks sits with us because we have all been there. As Tish Harrison Warren writes in Prayer of the Night, “We don’t get to choose our preferred crosses or resurrections.” Embracing life in the Kingdom Jesus ushered in transforms us. Like Jesus promised, it is an abundant life. But not without it’s sorrows. Because the identity of being Theotokoi (God Bearers) means laying down our lives as daily rhythms.

 So we demonstrate, by transparently living our moments, the tension of living in this place of in between. But sometimes, the reality of the tension overwhelms our senses. We cry out in our anguished humanity for the cup to pass from our hands in the midst of fear, and uncertainty about the path forward.: Illness, loss, advocating for the marginalized, death.

But we can also cling to the hope in God who hears us, holds us, and sees the redemption at work in ways we cannot. All while entering into our moments of despair with a love that knows no bounds of time, space, expectation. Jesus took the cup. And we can because he did.

#Redbud writer #gardenofgethsemane #maundythursday #trustingod #stephaniejthompson
#stopasianhate #stephaniejthompson #webelongtoeach #stopasianhate #stephaniejthompson #webelongtoeachother #
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