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You are here: Home / Sacred Connections / Why I Grieved When My Son’s Friend Moved Away

Why I Grieved When My Son’s Friend Moved Away

April 29, 2016 by Stephanie Leave a Comment

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As my son settled himself into the car seat next to me, his face told me what I had hoped wasn’t a reality.
His friend had moved away. Without notice.

My heart sank.

For him. For Matt. And for me.

You see, my youngest, is in middle school. It’s a season of so many changes: adjusting to six teachers from one, expectations from school that you are now a “big” kid and must take on more responsibilities. Yet, for many, their bodies look no different than they did when they were considered “little kids” two years ago. Furthermore, social circles are in flux. Figuring out who is really by your side becomes a challenge.

My son is described by many to be kind, funny, smart. He is respectful to all but chooses friends carefully. He’s not a group friend kind of guy. He prefers a few close buddies with whom he can trust his innermost thoughts and feel comfortable being his “out of the box” self.

So when he shared with me, on that day before Spring Break, that he thought it odd that Matt wasn’t at school and had turned in his science book the day before, we both faced the reality that Matt was moving. And thoughts began trickling into each of our brains and sadness crept into our hearts.

I didn’t know Matt as well as my son did, but what I did know I liked. He shared a child-like innocence in a world where kids are pressured to grow up too fast. Although they didn’t spend much time together outside school, they were part of the rhythm of each other’s day.

It’s what makes getting through those mundane moments tolerable. It’s what gives you reason to go to school or work when you wake up tired and don’t really want to forge through the day.

I grieve not only for my son, but for Matt as well. I know that this move is not the first one. He met my son when he moved here five years ago. His life involves frequent adjustment-new home, new friends, visits between his custodial parent and non-custodial parent.

I grieve because I had hoped to invite he and his mom further into our lives. And it didn’t happen soon enough.
What will happen to him now? Will he befriend kids who will challenge him to be his best self?

The experience echoes similar situations our family has experienced along the way. Several other kids who have graced our lives for a bit and then moved on. I’m not gonna lie-often these are the same kids who can push my (and my kids) buttons. My own kids do that sometimes.

But often times, the brokenness in these kids that draws me to them can manifest in ways that can make relationships hard: acting out, lack of social boundaries, different value systems. Yet, somehow in the midst of those tensions, there is a yearning to let God’s deep love seep out of me. They must be reminded of their have value and purpose. Always.

Fortunately, some of those kids have crossed our paths again. Technology, can be a gift in that way. But others, have gone off the radar. I can only hope in the one who knows them far more than I.
“See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands;
    your walls are continually before me.” Isaiah 49:16
I know that my prayers for God’s intervention in their lives are not left unheard.

And that is what we do now. Knowing that my long distance desires for Matt’s well-being are heard by our God who is near him. Believing that there are others who will now walk alongside him.

But it doesn’t make me or my son miss him less.
My son has texted a couple times with Matt and of, course, my heart’s desire is that it continues. But, that’s not a given. For now, we relish the moments we had to walk life together with him and hand him over to the One who even knows the number of hairs on his head. But his name will never leave my head….or my heart.

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Filed Under: Sacred Connections Tagged With: acceptance, Church, Creator, followers, foster, friends, identity, kids, love, middle school, move, son, value

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When my first child was born 20 plus years ago, I envisioned taking just a few years off from my role as Pastor of Youth and Family. While that didn’t exactly unfold as expected, God used my gifts and skills in other ways. Read More…

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s2thomp

#Christmas #Humanity #incarnation #allpeople #god #Christmas #Humanity  #incarnation #allpeople #godwithus #Immanuel
#Jesus #Christmas #hopes #fears #Christmaseve #Jesus #Christmas #hopes #fears #Christmaseve
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Sometimes, I go to Target and virtually keep them company as they shop for items. Once in a while, I accompany them on a drive through line to their favorite fast food restaurant. Other times, I walk with them back from class to the dorm. There is no agenda outside of simply connecting and listening. And then there are moments where I am put on speaker mode and I sit in silence while homework is worked on. The reason? To simply sit in their presence.

These moments could easily be perceived as inconvenient and mundane. Truthfully, the calls sometimes interrupt my agenda. However, it is a blessing when your big kid initiates connection. It is something I never want to take for granted.

I wish we could have done more traveling together on vacations when my kids were young. Yet, traveling together and building bonding moments can look like a lot of things. I am learning to be thankful for all of them.

#herviewfromhome #Redbudwriters #parentingyoungadults
#Delicatedanceofparenting #parentingyoungadults #p #Delicatedanceofparenting #parentingyoungadults #parentingcollegekids #parentingteens
As I sit in the quiet with the windows open, the s As I sit in the quiet with the windows open, the sounds outside remind me of the changes in my sphere. My neighbor plays her recorder with abandon on this first day of the school year. Suddenly, my mind jumps back to several years ago in this same house. I listened to each of my kids happily discover the joy of exploring this instrument. They fidgeted around, like she does, trying to create familiar tunes and listening to the way their breath helpes create sound.

This is the second time the landscape changed next door since our family planted roots here twenty four years ago. Each time, the new life sprouts up in different ways. Currently, the sights and sounds of young children remind me of where I once was and where I am now.

The seasons of parenting all have their variety of days. There were moments that felt long and dark. Sometimes the idea of getting up the next morning to experience another one felt overwhelming. But scattered throughout the years, were moments of joyful collaborative discoveries of the beauty of this life. Watching your child explore the world around them through their senses is magical. It refreshes any of our own that have grown stagnant.

I love living in an intergenerational neighborhood. Because I need it. Revisiting the seasons of life through new narratives brings me joy. I share in the excitement of the neighbor girl losing her tooth and laugh at her story about the tooth fairy forgetting her tooth. That happened in our house too.

My children are now young adults. People say “the days are long and the years are short.” That feels true. But I am thankful to have the opportunity to relive some of those days with a new generation. It reminds me of the welcoming spaces created for life to bloom, theirs and mine.

#neighborhood #parentingyoungadults #herviewfromhome #Redbudwriters #stephaniejthompson
#humanity #compassion #imagodei #stephaniejthompso #humanity #compassion #imagodei #stephaniejthompson
Recently, I retraced the steps of my childhood. Ho Recently, I retraced the steps of my childhood. However, walking the territory with my young adult children by my side became a whole new experience. Something profound happens when your kids see, taste, and feel the places that shape your life.

This wasn’t the first time, we ventured into the town of my paternal roots When my children were young, we occassionally drove through the town. We drove past relative’s homes and I pointed out favorite destination spots. However, the questions grew deeper and the curiosity expanded as they grew older. Connections to itheir story have been formed.

We enjoyed stomping around the nostalgic grounds together while recognizing how our family’s story fits into a bigger one. I whirled around with my kids on the same carnival ride seats that I once shared with my parents and siblings. We munched on the same tasty comfort food that I delighted in as a child. And watched, with wonder, the twinkly lights of a magical place, lighting up a dusky hot summer night. We walked in the footsteps of those in their personal narrative.

The deeper thoughts and questions came as we winded through the small town, retracing the paths of my youth. However, this time around, their ears longed to know more. How is this person related? Who was the relative that was known for…..? The visual unfolding of a story gives you a context for understanding what has shaped you. It is both formative and yet allows for questions and discerning what you will do with it. What will you embrace and how will you respond to it’s influences?

These are the moments that I do not want to take for granted. Navigating our story together is a gift.

#familystories #parentingyoungadults
#whoami #ancestorsspeak
#familyroots #stephaniejthompson
#Redbudwriters
"Sometimes Jesus’s interruptions mean a reorient "Sometimes Jesus’s interruptions mean a reorienting with our whole being. Surrendering vocational plans and expectations. Using our finances,time and talents in ways that take us out of our comfort zones. Letting go of previously held assumptions about who Jesus is."

#Redbudwriters #Jesusinterrupts #Luke5 #followingjesus #discipleship
Load More Follow on Instagram

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  • Easter
  • five minute friday
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  • Sacred Connections

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