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You are here: Home / Sacred Connections / Guest post: Even as the wheels spin, ruts are forming – Encouragement for the struggles of parenting

Guest post: Even as the wheels spin, ruts are forming – Encouragement for the struggles of parenting

May 2, 2018 by Stephanie Leave a Comment

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Today, I welcome Kelsey Scism to the blog. She shares her words on parenting today. Please go over to her site later and give her some love by reading more of her words.

Even as the wheels spin, ruts are forming – Encouragement for the struggles of parenting
One day as I rushed into the van headed for school already feeling worn out, a chorus of “he did this” and “she did that” rang out. I backed out of the driveway thinking, “Man, I am just spinning my wheels with this whole parenting thing.” I feel like every day (multiple times a day) I cover the same things with my kids: show love, don’t blame others, don’t repay wrong with wrong, be nice, be quiet, and on and on. Yet it doesn’t feel like we are making any progress, the wheels just keep spinning. In moments like these, frustration and hopelessness seep deep into my heart.
Driving down the smooth, solid surface of the highway, I started thinking about my wheel-spinning problem. I realized something about those spinning wheels: on a mud road, they create a rut. A rut worn deep into the ground seen by passersby days later or sometimes decades later. I remember hearing stories about the ruts in the fields near my grandpa’s farm having been made by the covered wagons on the Oregon Trail.
Maybe spinning my wheels isn’t such a bad thing if it’s creating ruts that will last a lifetime.
Wheel spinning can be a lonely endeavor, though. We feel like our kids are the only ones who fight, or act unruly, or can’t sit still, or talk back. It seems we’re the only ones without the answers. The truth is, even when we feel alone, our own Father, our Heavenly Father is right there with us. “So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Parenting takes strength and courage – saying no, setting boundaries, disciplining. These things don’t come naturally, at least not for me. Sometimes, we think love is about satisfying, giving our kids what makes them happy. In reality, though, love is having the strength and courage to give our kids what they need but not everything want.
Love is teaching our kids the right way to do things by giving consequences when they go the wrong way. “For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights” (Proverbs 3:12). When it is time for correction, sometimes we need the courage Moses speaks of in Deuteronomy. As we say no, set boundaries, discipline, and use consequences over and over again, we create ruts. And though it feels like we are getting nowhere, the ruts we are forming in our children’s hearts will eventually produce self-discipline and a willingness to submit to God’s will and calling.
Teaching our children to follow the Lord may have us spinning our wheels, but that is what He has called us to do. He created our children with us in mind. He chose YOU to be that little boy’s, or that little girl’s, mom long before you even dreamed of having kids. The God of the universe knit that little baby inside the womb knowing that he or she would end up in your arms. He destined that child for you. “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3). When the wheels are spinning, it may be hard to consider the struggles of parenting a gift. In fact, sometimes parenting feels more like a punishment than a reward, and Psalm 127:3 might be recited through gritted teeth as we remind ourselves that our children are gifts. Ultimately, though, we recognize the blessings that they have been created to be.
In the frustration of spinning your wheels, it is hard to to keep going. It feels like the best option is to put it in park and wait for someone else to come along and help. We may feel like we are failing our children on a daily basis, but as Deuteronomy 31:6 says, the Lord will never fail us. He is already beside us, urging us to keep spinning, keep going, keep trying, keep working hard.
Even as the wheels are spinning, the ruts are forming. The ruts that will reach deep into the hearts of those gifts we call our children, ruts that will shape them and their futures. Ruts that can reach into the next generation and the one after that. Keep on spinning those wheels, friends, because ruts that reflect the Lord will last into eternity. Have courage, don’t be afraid, the Lord is there, He sees you spinning, and He promises never to leave.
Prayer:
Lord, thank you for being the perfect parent. For loving me through my mistakes, for sacrificing the perfect gift of your Son to save me from my sins. Father, this parenting thing is hard, and I need you. I need strength and courage. I need to be reminded that you are with me even when my wheels are spinning. Thank you for the power and encouragement of your word. Thank you for the gift of my children. Help me to raise them for you and with you.
Amen
Kelsey is a former language arts teacher, mother of four, principal’s wife, and most importantly a Christian loving our Lord. As a teacher, she loved inspiring and encouraging her students. Today, she finds inspiration in the everyday moments as a stay-at-home mom and hopes to encourage others along the way. You can check out more from her at https://lovingourlord.com or follow her on Facebook and Instagram @lovingourlordtogether.

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Filed Under: Sacred Connections Tagged With: Jesus, Kelsey Scism, loving the Lord, parenting, perfect parent, ruts, setting boundaries, teaching children, wheels

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When my first child was born 20 plus years ago, I envisioned taking just a few years off from my role as Pastor of Youth and Family. While that didn’t exactly unfold as expected, God used my gifts and skills in other ways. Read More…

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Recently, I realized I’ve done a lot of travelin Recently, I realized I’ve done a lot of traveling with my young adult children. However, I’m not referring to family vacations or even the multiple trips back and forth to their current homes. The traveling I am invited to occurs via phone calls initiated by my big kids as they go about errands and work on homework.

Sometimes, I go to Target and virtually keep them company as they shop for items. Once in a while, I accompany them on a drive through line to their favorite fast food restaurant. Other times, I walk with them back from class to the dorm. There is no agenda outside of simply connecting and listening. And then there are moments where I am put on speaker mode and I sit in silence while homework is worked on. The reason? To simply sit in their presence.

These moments could easily be perceived as inconvenient and mundane. Truthfully, the calls sometimes interrupt my agenda. However, it is a blessing when your big kid initiates connection. It is something I never want to take for granted.

I wish we could have done more traveling together on vacations when my kids were young. Yet, traveling together and building bonding moments can look like a lot of things. I am learning to be thankful for all of them.

#herviewfromhome #Redbudwriters #parentingyoungadults
#Delicatedanceofparenting #parentingyoungadults #p #Delicatedanceofparenting #parentingyoungadults #parentingcollegekids #parentingteens
As I sit in the quiet with the windows open, the s As I sit in the quiet with the windows open, the sounds outside remind me of the changes in my sphere. My neighbor plays her recorder with abandon on this first day of the school year. Suddenly, my mind jumps back to several years ago in this same house. I listened to each of my kids happily discover the joy of exploring this instrument. They fidgeted around, like she does, trying to create familiar tunes and listening to the way their breath helpes create sound.

This is the second time the landscape changed next door since our family planted roots here twenty four years ago. Each time, the new life sprouts up in different ways. Currently, the sights and sounds of young children remind me of where I once was and where I am now.

The seasons of parenting all have their variety of days. There were moments that felt long and dark. Sometimes the idea of getting up the next morning to experience another one felt overwhelming. But scattered throughout the years, were moments of joyful collaborative discoveries of the beauty of this life. Watching your child explore the world around them through their senses is magical. It refreshes any of our own that have grown stagnant.

I love living in an intergenerational neighborhood. Because I need it. Revisiting the seasons of life through new narratives brings me joy. I share in the excitement of the neighbor girl losing her tooth and laugh at her story about the tooth fairy forgetting her tooth. That happened in our house too.

My children are now young adults. People say “the days are long and the years are short.” That feels true. But I am thankful to have the opportunity to relive some of those days with a new generation. It reminds me of the welcoming spaces created for life to bloom, theirs and mine.

#neighborhood #parentingyoungadults #herviewfromhome #Redbudwriters #stephaniejthompson
#humanity #compassion #imagodei #stephaniejthompso #humanity #compassion #imagodei #stephaniejthompson
Recently, I retraced the steps of my childhood. Ho Recently, I retraced the steps of my childhood. However, walking the territory with my young adult children by my side became a whole new experience. Something profound happens when your kids see, taste, and feel the places that shape your life.

This wasn’t the first time, we ventured into the town of my paternal roots When my children were young, we occassionally drove through the town. We drove past relative’s homes and I pointed out favorite destination spots. However, the questions grew deeper and the curiosity expanded as they grew older. Connections to itheir story have been formed.

We enjoyed stomping around the nostalgic grounds together while recognizing how our family’s story fits into a bigger one. I whirled around with my kids on the same carnival ride seats that I once shared with my parents and siblings. We munched on the same tasty comfort food that I delighted in as a child. And watched, with wonder, the twinkly lights of a magical place, lighting up a dusky hot summer night. We walked in the footsteps of those in their personal narrative.

The deeper thoughts and questions came as we winded through the small town, retracing the paths of my youth. However, this time around, their ears longed to know more. How is this person related? Who was the relative that was known for…..? The visual unfolding of a story gives you a context for understanding what has shaped you. It is both formative and yet allows for questions and discerning what you will do with it. What will you embrace and how will you respond to it’s influences?

These are the moments that I do not want to take for granted. Navigating our story together is a gift.

#familystories #parentingyoungadults
#whoami #ancestorsspeak
#familyroots #stephaniejthompson
#Redbudwriters
"Sometimes Jesus’s interruptions mean a reorient "Sometimes Jesus’s interruptions mean a reorienting with our whole being. Surrendering vocational plans and expectations. Using our finances,time and talents in ways that take us out of our comfort zones. Letting go of previously held assumptions about who Jesus is."

#Redbudwriters #Jesusinterrupts #Luke5 #followingjesus #discipleship
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#Christmas #Humanity #incarnation #allpeople #god #Christmas #Humanity  #incarnation #allpeople #godwithus #Immanuel
#Jesus #Christmas #hopes #fears #Christmaseve #Jesus #Christmas #hopes #fears #Christmaseve
Recently, I realized I’ve done a lot of travelin Recently, I realized I’ve done a lot of traveling with my young adult children. However, I’m not referring to family vacations or even the multiple trips back and forth to their current homes. The traveling I am invited to occurs via phone calls initiated by my big kids as they go about errands and work on homework.

Sometimes, I go to Target and virtually keep them company as they shop for items. Once in a while, I accompany them on a drive through line to their favorite fast food restaurant. Other times, I walk with them back from class to the dorm. There is no agenda outside of simply connecting and listening. And then there are moments where I am put on speaker mode and I sit in silence while homework is worked on. The reason? To simply sit in their presence.

These moments could easily be perceived as inconvenient and mundane. Truthfully, the calls sometimes interrupt my agenda. However, it is a blessing when your big kid initiates connection. It is something I never want to take for granted.

I wish we could have done more traveling together on vacations when my kids were young. Yet, traveling together and building bonding moments can look like a lot of things. I am learning to be thankful for all of them.

#herviewfromhome #Redbudwriters #parentingyoungadults
#Delicatedanceofparenting #parentingyoungadults #p #Delicatedanceofparenting #parentingyoungadults #parentingcollegekids #parentingteens
As I sit in the quiet with the windows open, the s As I sit in the quiet with the windows open, the sounds outside remind me of the changes in my sphere. My neighbor plays her recorder with abandon on this first day of the school year. Suddenly, my mind jumps back to several years ago in this same house. I listened to each of my kids happily discover the joy of exploring this instrument. They fidgeted around, like she does, trying to create familiar tunes and listening to the way their breath helpes create sound.

This is the second time the landscape changed next door since our family planted roots here twenty four years ago. Each time, the new life sprouts up in different ways. Currently, the sights and sounds of young children remind me of where I once was and where I am now.

The seasons of parenting all have their variety of days. There were moments that felt long and dark. Sometimes the idea of getting up the next morning to experience another one felt overwhelming. But scattered throughout the years, were moments of joyful collaborative discoveries of the beauty of this life. Watching your child explore the world around them through their senses is magical. It refreshes any of our own that have grown stagnant.

I love living in an intergenerational neighborhood. Because I need it. Revisiting the seasons of life through new narratives brings me joy. I share in the excitement of the neighbor girl losing her tooth and laugh at her story about the tooth fairy forgetting her tooth. That happened in our house too.

My children are now young adults. People say “the days are long and the years are short.” That feels true. But I am thankful to have the opportunity to relive some of those days with a new generation. It reminds me of the welcoming spaces created for life to bloom, theirs and mine.

#neighborhood #parentingyoungadults #herviewfromhome #Redbudwriters #stephaniejthompson
#humanity #compassion #imagodei #stephaniejthompso #humanity #compassion #imagodei #stephaniejthompson
Recently, I retraced the steps of my childhood. Ho Recently, I retraced the steps of my childhood. However, walking the territory with my young adult children by my side became a whole new experience. Something profound happens when your kids see, taste, and feel the places that shape your life.

This wasn’t the first time, we ventured into the town of my paternal roots When my children were young, we occassionally drove through the town. We drove past relative’s homes and I pointed out favorite destination spots. However, the questions grew deeper and the curiosity expanded as they grew older. Connections to itheir story have been formed.

We enjoyed stomping around the nostalgic grounds together while recognizing how our family’s story fits into a bigger one. I whirled around with my kids on the same carnival ride seats that I once shared with my parents and siblings. We munched on the same tasty comfort food that I delighted in as a child. And watched, with wonder, the twinkly lights of a magical place, lighting up a dusky hot summer night. We walked in the footsteps of those in their personal narrative.

The deeper thoughts and questions came as we winded through the small town, retracing the paths of my youth. However, this time around, their ears longed to know more. How is this person related? Who was the relative that was known for…..? The visual unfolding of a story gives you a context for understanding what has shaped you. It is both formative and yet allows for questions and discerning what you will do with it. What will you embrace and how will you respond to it’s influences?

These are the moments that I do not want to take for granted. Navigating our story together is a gift.

#familystories #parentingyoungadults
#whoami #ancestorsspeak
#familyroots #stephaniejthompson
#Redbudwriters
"Sometimes Jesus’s interruptions mean a reorient "Sometimes Jesus’s interruptions mean a reorienting with our whole being. Surrendering vocational plans and expectations. Using our finances,time and talents in ways that take us out of our comfort zones. Letting go of previously held assumptions about who Jesus is."

#Redbudwriters #Jesusinterrupts #Luke5 #followingjesus #discipleship
Load More Follow on Instagram

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