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How to Sit With Sadness at Christmas: A Guest Post

December 21, 2017 by Stephanie Leave a Comment

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Today, Elisabeth Klein guest posts about navigating through the Christmas season when you are not feeling “merry.” Welcome her!

I went through a period of feeling lost. Sad. Blah. Passion-less. I purchased a book to help me work through the sad state I was in and I was clicking right along. I did everything it told me to do: I came up with a life timeline, listed the negative points, processed the redemption that has come from each, and decided upon my five primary roles. This was all good and fine; I felt like I was accomplishing something.

And then…and then I hit a wall.

So I did what I usually do when I hit a wall: I spent some time with my mentor. And I was telling her about this process that I was making myself go through and how, when I got to the step where it asked what my ambitions were – how I wanted to live out my life in each of my five roles – how I hit a wall and couldn’t think of anything to write down under any of them, after thinking and praying about it for several days.

I told her that for the past twenty years, I’ve had various passions. Mothering young children, then women’s ministry, then social justice. That I’d poured myself into each of these things, wrote about these things, been an advocate for these things. But that right then, I didn’t have a passion for anything.

And she said, “I have your answer.”

“Okay,” I said. “What is it?”

And then she said something like this, “Years ago, when people lost someone they loved, it was expected that they would mourn for a year. They were given black arm bands to wear.  They even put black wreathes on their front doors. They were to rest and grieve and heal. They even had places in the middle of their town called Melancholy Park where they would be allowed to go and just sit.  Can you imagine? No one would bother them, no one made fun of them, no one pushed them to get back into their regular lives. They were not only allowed but encouraged to do the grieving work, for a year.”

I sat there, tears streaming down my face, not even four months past my divorce at the time.

She continued, “You have lost something big. Picture yourself with a black arm band. Let yourself rest. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself heal. I’ll let you know if I think you’re not doing enough. But right now, just rest. Because if you don’t do the work now, it’ll come out eventually.”

I went home and put that book away. The process of finding my new place, my next chapter, my next thing, would wait a few months. (Okay, many months.) Because in that moment, I had the deeper work of rest to accomplish. How I wished I could live in Melancholy Park.  (She says we can only visit…)

Is this you this Christmastime? Do you need permission to visit Melancholy Park? You have it. I’m giving it to you. Go rest and be sad.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. –Psalm 34:18–

God, I am sad. Sadness is hanging over me like a cloak that is too heavy for me to wear. Please meet me in Melancholy Park. Please help me not feel guilty for feeling this way. Please help me walk through it with your grace and mercy. Amen.

If this post resonated with you, Holidays for the Hurting: 25 Devotions to Help You Heal would be your companion through this season.
Elisabeth Klein is the grateful wife to Richard and grateful mom and stepmom to five. She writes, speaks and mentors women in difficult marriages, those going through divorce, single moms, those dating post-divorce, and those who are remarried and stepmothers. You can find her at www.elisabethklein.com.

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Filed Under: Sacred Connections Tagged With: book, chapter, Christmas, divorce, heal, kids, melancholy, mentor, mourn, passion, sadness

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When my first child was born 20 plus years ago, I envisioned taking just a few years off from my role as Pastor of Youth and Family. While that didn’t exactly unfold as expected, God used my gifts and skills in other ways. Read More…

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Oh my goodness! I made red lobster biscuits as a l Oh my goodness! I made red lobster biscuits as a loaf! So good!
Lena ( who is vegan) prepared an herbed butter roa Lena ( who is vegan) prepared an herbed butter roasted turkey. We collaborated on vegan side dishes including rolls (amazing!), sauteed green beans with shallots, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes and of course dessert. Thankful for her culinary coaching and help today. How is your Thansgiving?
My recent reads. Three female authors who expanded My recent reads. Three female authors who expanded my recognition of the character of God and what it means to belong to the bold sisterhood of image bearers. I long to have their words coursing through my veins at all times.
“Are these good for baking?” asked the man sha “Are these good for baking?” asked the man sharing space in front of the bin of potatoes. I had navigated around the maze of vegetable stands in the produce department of the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon, and arrived here at this moment. As I looked up, he continued, “I’m new to this.”

 I answered his question, my mind reeling with the scenarios playing out in his life right now. He appeared in his 60’s. Did his spouse recently die? Divorce? “Sure. These are what I use. There is another bin over with more,” I replied as I pointed away from where we stood. 

My answer felt inadequate to what was conveyed seconds before. But it is what he needed. Humanity. A recognition that we see and hear each others as companions in this place wrought with both beauty and pain.

As he parted, he thanked me and I remembered: I have encountered this situation before. Another time in a different store, an elderly man asked me where to find an item and commented that he had never done the grocery shopping before. I walked away wishing I could do more than identify an aisle.

These encounters remind me that “we are all walking each other home.” At anytime, any one of us is harboring invisible struggles. None of us is immune to the realities that we live in a place this side of Heaven. 

But we have the opportunity to offer grace and love in the most ordinary of moments. We share out of what has been given to us. It’s not ours to hoard.

Read more: https://stephaniejthompson.com/2020/10/27/seeking-gods-transformation-of-our-interactions-with-others/  #graceupongrace #sacredconnections. #loveyourneighbor
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s2thomp

Oh my goodness! I made red lobster biscuits as a l Oh my goodness! I made red lobster biscuits as a loaf! So good!
Lena ( who is vegan) prepared an herbed butter roa Lena ( who is vegan) prepared an herbed butter roasted turkey. We collaborated on vegan side dishes including rolls (amazing!), sauteed green beans with shallots, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes and of course dessert. Thankful for her culinary coaching and help today. How is your Thansgiving?
My recent reads. Three female authors who expanded My recent reads. Three female authors who expanded my recognition of the character of God and what it means to belong to the bold sisterhood of image bearers. I long to have their words coursing through my veins at all times.
“Are these good for baking?” asked the man sha “Are these good for baking?” asked the man sharing space in front of the bin of potatoes. I had navigated around the maze of vegetable stands in the produce department of the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon, and arrived here at this moment. As I looked up, he continued, “I’m new to this.”

 I answered his question, my mind reeling with the scenarios playing out in his life right now. He appeared in his 60’s. Did his spouse recently die? Divorce? “Sure. These are what I use. There is another bin over with more,” I replied as I pointed away from where we stood. 

My answer felt inadequate to what was conveyed seconds before. But it is what he needed. Humanity. A recognition that we see and hear each others as companions in this place wrought with both beauty and pain.

As he parted, he thanked me and I remembered: I have encountered this situation before. Another time in a different store, an elderly man asked me where to find an item and commented that he had never done the grocery shopping before. I walked away wishing I could do more than identify an aisle.

These encounters remind me that “we are all walking each other home.” At anytime, any one of us is harboring invisible struggles. None of us is immune to the realities that we live in a place this side of Heaven. 

But we have the opportunity to offer grace and love in the most ordinary of moments. We share out of what has been given to us. It’s not ours to hoard.

Read more: https://stephaniejthompson.com/2020/10/27/seeking-gods-transformation-of-our-interactions-with-others/  #graceupongrace #sacredconnections. #loveyourneighbor
Follow on Instagram

Categories

  • Advent
  • Easter
  • five minute friday
  • Help! This was not in the book!
  • Sacred Connections

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