I can hear the voice beckoning me forward.
By all Heavenly accounts, I have nothing to fear. Have I forgotten the miracles Jesus has performed in front of my eyes? Do I believe the testimony of wonders shared throughout scripture?
By all Earthly accounts, I have everything to fear. Voices of “reason” echo in my head. Don’t I know where I should be securing my feet?
My husband was laid off in March. Our severance package ended. And we held onto expectations for the way we would be rescued from our boat in the midst of this abyss.
But currently, we wait.
I glance down at the “water” that surrounds me. Wide and cloudy. No clear path is yet visible.
But Jesus stretches out his hand and keeps calling.
Does Jesus not realize what he is asking? How on Earth can it happen?
“Don’t be afraid. Take courage, I am here.”
I cry out, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
Jesus replies, “Yes, come.”
So I step out of the safe confines of my “boat.” I dip a toe in. Fear holds me back from putting my whole weight on one foot.
The implications are not lost on me. I know people who have stepped into this place that is unknown; unpredictable. Didn’t some of them sink? But this moment isn’t about them. It’s about me. There are plenty of human based reasons to refuse to walk toward Jesus’ voice.
But what will I lose if I don’t?
Ironically, I cannot walk forward if I remain balancing on one leg. So, slowly, I move the other foot in front. I can’t believe it! I am walking toward Jesus!
And then the winds begin picking up speed. Keeping my balance and my eyes focused on Jesus’ outstretched arm becomes difficult.
Another job prospect fell through. Our car broke down.
I didn’t expect this challenge. If Jesus is inviting me to come, why am I being knocked around as I make my way toward his reach? What if I plunge downward?
Save me Lord!
Jesus grabs my attention. A week long contract appears out of the blue. A side job appears. Our every need is provided.
Jesus calls out to me, “You have so little faith. Why did you doubt me?”
Truthfully? Because I’m human. Like Peter, who laid out the path ahead of me, I lean toward what my mind can grasp. It cannot comprehend the divinity which intersects in our Earthly moments.
Of course, I have witnessed wonders earlier in my life which can only be attributed to the works of a mighty God. Many times I have felt Jesus speaking to my heart and providing clarity. And, like Peter, I am no stranger to the accounts of miraculous activity in the lives of others. Scripture gives no shortage of those interactions. Both of us share the witnessing (he-personally; me-through scripture) of Jesus feeding a multitude with a few loaves and fishes. And what about that storm that abruptly halted upon Jesus’ command?
Still, fear lingers.
But I walk forward in faith. Because I simply can’t refuse to remain stuck in a false pretense of security. My current place of refuge may appear secure because it’s where I have found comfort. But ultimately, it only brought security because Jesus led me to it at one point.
Now, I’m being led to trust him once again. He has never let me down.
Peter, surely found security in following Jesus otherwise he would have abandoned him.
Jesus did not promise safety and predictability then and doesn’t now. But he does promise living abundantly.
So I walk to embrace it; legs wobbly but headed in a straight line toward him. And should the winds threaten to throw my balance off, I know that Jesus will grab me. Again.
A poignant peek into your heart. I love Peter and can relate to your walking in his footsteps. A very relatable and inspiring post, dear Stephanie.
Ah such a beautiful and raw and real testimony to our walk reaching out to Jesus in the midst of troubled waters. Thank you for sharing your faithful and fearful steps with us. What an inspiring message to remind us to trust in His power to still those waters and bring His provisions. It can be terrifying, but God will never let us down. <3
Thanks for stopping by Chris.
Stephanie,
I do want to walk in Peter’s footsteps. I am so glad you are, and you are such a great example to follow.
Just letting you know I nominated you for the Blogger Recognition Award over at http://www.embracingtheunexpected.com/blogger-recognition-award/
Please do not feel obligated to do a thing. You are one of my favorite writers, and I thought it would be a fantastic opportunity to let others know about your website.
Blessings,
Maree
I saw that this morning when I saw your own notification! So honored! It’s wonderful to share this journey with someone else who views life through a similar angle. Perhaps some guest posting needs to take place.
As soon as I read, He has never let me down. I thought of this song: https://youtu.be/8WVCeBTTd6o ☺️ I hope it encourages you. And I feel like Peter so much too, needing so much reassurance. An embrace 😉 (love how you put that in this post. Seems like we’re very specific with our requests.) thank you, too, for reminding Jesus will pick us up again when we doubt. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your heart Stephanie. I so want to be a “water walker,” stepping out of the boat as Jesus calls, walking in faith! My prayers for you and your husband in this journey.
This is a hard place to be in, Stephanie. Praying God’s provision for you. Sharing this on FB and Twitter.
Thanks Sarah!
What a terrific picture you painted with your words. I know as Christians we all have to come through this place at least once. Your words of encouragement are a testament to your faith and God’s faithfulness. Many Thanks! 8)
Thank you Debra! My hope is that others see themselves here
Thank you for sharing this – it’s very relatable to me right now, although we are still early in our “jobless” boat ride across the choppy sea. I love Peter’s reckless and impulsive faith – he wants so much to be the wholehearted follower but he messes up. Just like me. And I always think, Peter may have started to sink when he took his eyes of Jesus, but he was also the ONLY guy that got out of the boat.
Great insight about him getting out of the boat!