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What Comes After the Storm of Mental Illness Calms

February 27, 2017 by Stephanie Leave a Comment

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Now, what?”
I asked myself this a few months ago. After years, consisting of very long days, of family struggles with mental and medical conditions, the season began to change. At first, I dared not believe it. So many times, there had been brief glimpses of light as we forged through the darkness. But those moments seemed to fade quickly.

Once again, we would be left trying to find our footing and walk forward together: my daughter, my two sons, my husband and myself. To say the relationships between us were strained would be an understatement. When one person in a family struggles, everyone is affected.

The dynamics between us does not resemble the picture I had in my mind before my husband and I started a family. My daughter began treatment for All three of my children, as well as myself, have mood disorders. None of our conditions define us, but they do affect the climate of our home.

It hasn’t always felt like the refuge I hoped my husband and I would create. We have tried to initiate traditions, affirm each other’s strengths and attempt to carve moments of time together. We have sought out therapy, utilized resources and developed a support system. Humor has even found its way in. Yet, we couldn’t always keep the storms at bay.

Truthfully, the winds, at times, seemed so forceful I wasn’t sure I had the strength to resist them. My husband and I could be a strong force together; yet each of us developed our own methods of survival. We also felt as if the storm was invisible to everyone else. Mental illness carries a stigma. There are plenty of opinions regarding how to “fix” your child. “If we would just . . .”

Meanwhile, the unpredictable nature of episodes and triggers as well as the financial stress and school concerns mount. And in the midst of it all, you are trying to sustain your marriage, pay bills and pray for endurance, provision and healing.

It occurred to me one day that this long season of storms may have finally transitioned into a season of calm. When you are so used to living in survival mode, you don’t always realize the storm has weakened. Weeks no longer seemed packed with doctors’ appointments, evaluating medications, financial distress, school battles, emotional burnout. It may be the beginning of a season of restoration. On the surface, a calm after the storm sounds welcoming. But, truthfully, the implications are daunting.

How do you begin cleaning up the mess?

Branch by branch, piece by piece. I remember a horrific storm that erupted suddenly about 10 years ago. When it was safe, we made our way outside to access the damage. Thankfully, our belongings remained intact. However, our street and our yard were filled with tree limbs and branches scattered everywhere. In order to move toward restoration, you must begin cleaning up the mess one branch at a time. It may take a while. And I’ve learned (reluctantly) that’s OK

Restoring our relationships with each other will take time. One branch at a time. I often wonder how my kids would relate to one another had our situation been different. I will never know the answer. It would be tempting to dwell on the “what ifs,” but that would require looking back. We are heading forward. The medical concerns have not resolved. The winds may indeed return. We have found space to breathe and rest. We have found our footing once again and set our eyes on God; who is in the business of making things new. I find inspiration in the promise given to the Israelites:

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)

Originally published at http://mudroomblog.com/cleaning-up-mess/, this post also appeared at https://themighty.com/2016/10/when-things-calm-down-parenting-children-with-mental-illness/

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Filed Under: Help! This was not in the book!, Sacred Connections Tagged With: breathe, daughter, family.God, husband, Israelites, mental health, relationships, season, son, struggles, walk, wind

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When my first child was born 20 plus years ago, I envisioned taking just a few years off from my role as Pastor of Youth and Family. While that didn’t exactly unfold as expected, God used my gifts and skills in other ways. Read More…

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Oh my goodness! I made red lobster biscuits as a l Oh my goodness! I made red lobster biscuits as a loaf! So good!
Lena ( who is vegan) prepared an herbed butter roa Lena ( who is vegan) prepared an herbed butter roasted turkey. We collaborated on vegan side dishes including rolls (amazing!), sauteed green beans with shallots, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes and of course dessert. Thankful for her culinary coaching and help today. How is your Thansgiving?
My recent reads. Three female authors who expanded My recent reads. Three female authors who expanded my recognition of the character of God and what it means to belong to the bold sisterhood of image bearers. I long to have their words coursing through my veins at all times.
“Are these good for baking?” asked the man sha “Are these good for baking?” asked the man sharing space in front of the bin of potatoes. I had navigated around the maze of vegetable stands in the produce department of the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon, and arrived here at this moment. As I looked up, he continued, “I’m new to this.”

 I answered his question, my mind reeling with the scenarios playing out in his life right now. He appeared in his 60’s. Did his spouse recently die? Divorce? “Sure. These are what I use. There is another bin over with more,” I replied as I pointed away from where we stood. 

My answer felt inadequate to what was conveyed seconds before. But it is what he needed. Humanity. A recognition that we see and hear each others as companions in this place wrought with both beauty and pain.

As he parted, he thanked me and I remembered: I have encountered this situation before. Another time in a different store, an elderly man asked me where to find an item and commented that he had never done the grocery shopping before. I walked away wishing I could do more than identify an aisle.

These encounters remind me that “we are all walking each other home.” At anytime, any one of us is harboring invisible struggles. None of us is immune to the realities that we live in a place this side of Heaven. 

But we have the opportunity to offer grace and love in the most ordinary of moments. We share out of what has been given to us. It’s not ours to hoard.

Read more: https://stephaniejthompson.com/2020/10/27/seeking-gods-transformation-of-our-interactions-with-others/  #graceupongrace #sacredconnections. #loveyourneighbor
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s2thomp

Oh my goodness! I made red lobster biscuits as a l Oh my goodness! I made red lobster biscuits as a loaf! So good!
Lena ( who is vegan) prepared an herbed butter roa Lena ( who is vegan) prepared an herbed butter roasted turkey. We collaborated on vegan side dishes including rolls (amazing!), sauteed green beans with shallots, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes and of course dessert. Thankful for her culinary coaching and help today. How is your Thansgiving?
My recent reads. Three female authors who expanded My recent reads. Three female authors who expanded my recognition of the character of God and what it means to belong to the bold sisterhood of image bearers. I long to have their words coursing through my veins at all times.
“Are these good for baking?” asked the man sha “Are these good for baking?” asked the man sharing space in front of the bin of potatoes. I had navigated around the maze of vegetable stands in the produce department of the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon, and arrived here at this moment. As I looked up, he continued, “I’m new to this.”

 I answered his question, my mind reeling with the scenarios playing out in his life right now. He appeared in his 60’s. Did his spouse recently die? Divorce? “Sure. These are what I use. There is another bin over with more,” I replied as I pointed away from where we stood. 

My answer felt inadequate to what was conveyed seconds before. But it is what he needed. Humanity. A recognition that we see and hear each others as companions in this place wrought with both beauty and pain.

As he parted, he thanked me and I remembered: I have encountered this situation before. Another time in a different store, an elderly man asked me where to find an item and commented that he had never done the grocery shopping before. I walked away wishing I could do more than identify an aisle.

These encounters remind me that “we are all walking each other home.” At anytime, any one of us is harboring invisible struggles. None of us is immune to the realities that we live in a place this side of Heaven. 

But we have the opportunity to offer grace and love in the most ordinary of moments. We share out of what has been given to us. It’s not ours to hoard.

Read more: https://stephaniejthompson.com/2020/10/27/seeking-gods-transformation-of-our-interactions-with-others/  #graceupongrace #sacredconnections. #loveyourneighbor
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