Conviction

The Holy Spirit has a way of convicting us in the ordinary moments of life.  One such moment happened last weekend as I was riding in the car on the way home from my church.  No, it wasn’t during a reflection on the sermon. It wasn’t during a spontaneous discussion with my son (who usually rides home with me). It was while I was riding in the car…..while my son was driving….for the first time with me.  He received his permit 6 weeks ago and my husband has been bravely teaching him on the technicalities of driving.  He assured me that our son does pretty good.  But….I wasn’t quite ready to be his passenger yet.

“Can I drive home?,”  he asked.  I realized it had to happen sometime.  “Sure,”  I replied reluctantly.  Into the passenger seat I went.  As he proceeded to drive out of the parking lot and onto the street, I must confess that my mind was focused on the possible financial consequences of car damage rather than bodily injury.

We weren’t even to the first stop sign when my leg reached for the brake.  The brake.  The invisible brake that doesn’t exist on the passenger’s side.  “Seth….” “I know mom.”   “Seth….” “I know mom”.  And so continued our conversation during the ride.  The stark reality that I didn’t have complete control over the situation was very unsettling.  For a few reasons:  We could get into an accident, we could get hurt or hurt someone else, and the most profound reason: I didn’t have complete control.

I tend to be a bit of a control freak.  Blame it on my OCD anxiety, my birth order or a myriad of other causes but I struggle with letting go.  The implications are that I need to trust more.  Trust others.  Trust God. Some situations lend themselves better to teaching moments and this was one of them.

“Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46:10

Be still?  That’s contrary to human nature.   Especially to moms who develop the routine habit of looking for things and fixing things (material and emotional).

This isn’t the first time I’ve been reminded and it won’t be the last.  For now, I will try harder to let go and let God.  Being still isn’t easy.  Especially when your teenaged son is in the driver’s seat.